Lonesome Dove Logic

Whenever I want to enlighten my husband and kids, I use a little “Loneseome Dove Logic” to trigger their attention and diminish the immunity they’ve developed to the sound of my voice.

My scheme involves recalling lines from Lonesome Dove that pique my family’s attention. I compiled my picks for those interested in this attention-getting approach.

“There was no fun in the deal.” If my husband tries to rally up the family for a job that frequently goes bad, this reminds him that no matter how he candy-coats it, I’m not going to be convinced it’ll be fun.

“It’s a hard trip.” This gets the point across that by coming along, the passenger will get bored and impatient with the planned stops and special ones haven’t been allotted for.

“Where ya off to, lookin’ so pretty?”  I tease my husband with this one when he’s headed somewhere without me and looks sharp.

“Now we’re gonna suffer for the rest of our [dang] lives.”— What I say out loud in order to keep a sense of humor when things backfire.  One instance would be while moving cows, the kids and I only hear snapping tree limbs and my husband’s loud cursing in the woods nearby, due to cows headed in the wrong direction.

“We done et!” is satisfying to say when my kids have been told to come and eat and don’t show up in time.

“H*** no, I ain’t alright!” is a response that let’s the spectating spouse know when asking “you alright?” after stubbing a toe, hitting his or her head, getting run over or kicked by a cow, that he or she is not alright.

“Pour me a drink…arguin’ with you always makes me thirsty.” This is a backwards way of apologizing if I’ve been crabby. If we are arguing, citing this line always stirs a look, a laugh, and an end to bickering.

“I wish I could say.” When I can’t bring myself to lie about problems I encountered while feeding cows and know that explaining would just aggravate him. “I don’t believe I can remember,” –a hinting response that if he persists, I’ll be forced to tell him and he’ll wish he’d never asked.

“Let’s go on and go if we’re goin’!” My spouse uses this to imply impatience, when we need to be leaving and everybody’s in the car waiting on me while I’m still getting ready.

“I oughtta kick ya for givin’ ‘im all them ideas about…”—for the people who suggest a project idea for my husband or kids that I have to live with when it’s being built, creates frustration, or fails. I always say this to no one in particular on near misses with Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and that dang Tooth fairy.

“I’m givin’ you a reason to go on another adventure, so you don’t get bored bein’ a rancher.” What I tell my rancher to encourage a change in his attitude when we have to go somewhere he’s not thrilled about leaving home for.

You can see there’s a quote to suit any situation for drawing attention and hundreds more in the movie; you just have to pick a few and try them out. If you’ve seen Lonesome Dove before, it’s always worth watching again. If not, seeing it at least once is the logical thing to do.

 © 2007 Amy Kirk

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About ranchwifeslant

Amy writes a humor column based on rural living and ranch life from the southern Black Hills of South Dakota. She and her husband raise their two kids on a fourth generation cow/calf operation near Pringle; the Elk Capital of South Dakota.
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